What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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