What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
