I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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