is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think i got beer on your cat.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
