i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
