My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i out mim tonsoeep
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