but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
