I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize