Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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