I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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