Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize