Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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