The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
