your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
