My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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