so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
