Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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