you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
