Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
this is an emotional support booty call
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
