I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
