I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just googled if crying burns calories
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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