he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
