Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
