i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
