i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
