puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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