Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
