There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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