i just had sex bonerless
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
