Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
