Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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