Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My vagina is officially offended.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
