Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
