if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
