I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
