Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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