Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
