But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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