the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
