sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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