32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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