I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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