Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
