She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
