Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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