Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
