I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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