apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
