chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
