Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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