im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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