My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
