yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
