Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
