This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
