lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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