all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
