I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
