bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
