Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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