Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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