Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
