i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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